So, I guess I’ve just been consumed. Distracted. With myself. My thoughts. My concerns. Yet another fantastic trait…… But in the beginning of the week, the weather started changing. Sunshine and cool breezes. New blooms on plants and green grass gaining vitality. All of it just quietly ushering in Spring. Abi Kate and I spent the days outdoors and it was so good for my soul. Good for my heart. I could feel the stirrings of growth. And as I watched all of the things in my own yard changing, I stopped dwelling on myself and things I haven’t been able to figure out. My focus was shifted to the goodness of God. His Creation. Growing right in front of me. And I don’t just mean the flower bushes that are miraculously budding in spite of my very black thumb.
She was so sweet to watch in a new experience-- playing outside without shoes, exploring the grass, toddling around.
She giggled and was surprised at the things she touched and felt. She is often pensive in new situations as she tries to figure things out. She’s still surprised at her new mobility and gains so much joy from walking quickly towards something she longs after. And this time, that something was me.
I prayed while we played. Chose to be present in these sweet moments instead of being caught up with myself.
And when we went inside, I spent some time reading and in prayer. Abi spent some time cooling off...
I don’t normally stick with one devotional. I use a mishmash of things. Funny the book I that I grabbed expounded on John 16, about not becoming overwhelmed by life’s circumstances. Appropriate, no? I can’t dictate the changes in relationships with others, can’t alter their view of me, can’t control the response of other people. (And truthfully, if I’d get my eyes off myself and stop being concerned about what I can do in and of myself, the struggle would probably end.) I cannot see into the future and know that certain decisions are better than another choice. That’s hard for me. But I can have faith, and gain joy in my current circumstances. I don’t have to be overwhelmed by new experiences or changes in current conditions-- if my sweet baby girl isn’t, why should I be? She didn’t sit down on the concrete and refuse to go anywhere because it was new and she preferred to stay where she was comfortable. She stood her little self up and went exploring. Some things she liked and some things she didn't. But it didn't stop her from going out into winter's leftover grass, prickly and rough, and seeking out Spring's clover over and over again. Once again, I guess I ought to take a lesson from the little girl who only stands about 2 feet tall and weighs all of 21 pounds, who giggles when she’s chased and embraces newness as something to learn about not something to mourn. She teaches me much. And my heart just spills over from being so filled up with her. The longer she’s with us, the more I’m convinced she was sent so that Christ might disciple me. So today I’m thankful for present moments, quiet learning, and changing seasons both outdoors and within my life, even when the latter shakes me. And I’m thankful for the angel baby that makes me laugh and cry, think and grow all at the same time.