Friday, July 27, 2012

In This Village



“It takes a village.” A group of people. A network of friends and family. An abundance of love. I’ve spent the last week or so reflecting on the people in our life-- family, friends, acquaintances, the people we’ve deemed ‘family ’ by choice. I’ve thought about their presence in our lives in the last two months as we’ve walked through dark days. I’ve thought about their constancy to check in with us, just one more time, to make sure we’re doing ok. But today, I’ve found myself thinking about their importance to Abi Kate.

She is 18 months old today. At this time a year and a half ago, I was snuggling her up and breathing her in, completely overwhelmed by the fact that she had arrived. The months passed and Tommy & I learned parenting and all its complexities. We loved her more deeply as time raced on-- and we were not alone.

We, of course, love Abi Kate unyieldingly. The sacrifice and dedication to her life flows easily from Tommy& I because she is ours-- an extension of us as individuals and as a united couple. But to see other people love her in that way…. It truly fills my heart with such gratitude and unrelenting tenderness. It has been so unexpected for me that others, even our friends, would love her enough to care about her well-being.

When I’m out of the room and walk back in to see you playing with her, even when your own children are with you-- I notice
When you hug her and tell her you’ve missed seeing her-- I notice
When you gently correct her because you care about her heart and her character-- I notice. 
When you  take time to listen to what she’s saying-- I notice. 
When you bring her little gifts-- I notice. 
When she is genuinely excited to see you-- I notice. 
When you ask me to bring her along too-- I notice.
 When you point out the ways she is changing and growing-- I notice.

I notice your sacrifice. I harbor an endless amount of appreciation for you.

It has literally stopped me in my tracks so many times… that my friends who have their OWN children to love and adore, would take the time to love my child as well. I am so deeply humbled by that expression of care. In the same manner, when I see my friends who do not have their own children yet, come alongside us and love her-- ask how she is, ask to see her, hold her and embrace her… I again find myself feeling so unworthy of that, yet desperately grateful that they would share part of themselves with her. Even without being parents yourselves, you all have known how to love her so well.

I want her to experience the authority of others. I want her to be taught and loved by others, so that she will learn different viewpoints and understand this life with greater depth. I want her to see the character traits that I lack inside other people that share life with us, so that she will adapt those traits. I want her to see how other believers live and love this broken world so that she might do it too. And if she is surrounded, not just by Tommy and me, but by all these other incredibly selfless people then maybe she will have the best parts of all of us.

I am so grateful that we have not walked these last 18 months alone. If you have invested in Abi Kate, have loved her, have hugged her, have shown her grace, have said encouraging words to her… If you have helped us raise her and helped us love her, if you have made our child your child in any sense…. Thank you. Thank you for being a part of this village. There are so many of you but not enough words or tears to explain the importance and value it is in my heart. We are indebted to your kindness and benevolent acts of love. 

“It takes a village to raise a child.” Today, I am so thankful- as parents and for our daughter-- for the village we have found ourselves in. 

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Baby Mine


There were so many things that I was thrilled about when the ultrasound technician revealed that we were having a baby girl. SO many things….

I’m feminine and girly. I love makeup and dresses. Sparkles and shopping. Dangly earrings and painted nails. I just like these things and always have (despite my lack of time/energy invested in them these days). I know it’s the new fad to have ungirly things for your girl. I’ve heard more people and read more articles that talk about having less pink in their girl’s rooms, less girly clothing, gender neutral toys… and that’s fine if that’s your thing. It really is. Not everyone is ultra girly.  And I know pink is just a stereotyped color for girls, but guess what? I love it. And I love baby girl nurseries that are pink. So my sweet little girl has a bright pink nursery. I love things that scream “girl” be it a cultural stereotype or not, so she has always worn big bows. I do not care if they are as big as her head. She makes them look good. And the day that I have been awaiting these last 17 months has arrived…..


She’s found her babies. And she loves them. It’s never really been a question of if she’d play with babies in this house, but simply when.

I know all about what child development says regarding toys, interests, and their impact on gender. I read enough textbooks and listened to enough lectures in college to understand. And on the whole, I do not disagree. If Abi Kate wants to play with trucks-- have at it! If she thinks playing in the mud with army men is the best thing ever, I’m game for that too.  I’m not about stifling her interests into a stereotypical box. BUT… as long as little girl feet walk the floors in this house, there will be babies too.

I loved my baby dolls growing up. They had names and baby clothes, and I regularly begged my mom to buy me packs of “real” baby diapers so I could put them on my dolls. I loved toting them around and rocking them, pretending to feed them. I just loved babies. I loved pretending to be a mother.

And do you know that at 17 months old, I watch my sweet baby girl nurture her soft little baby? She picks it up and carries it around and sways with her baby. And yes, she grabs it by the neck (Dear Lord. We’re working on it…) and she thinks it’s so much better naked (maybe she’s practicing for a future in Elimination Communication?) and she will throw her baby down on the ground in a heartbeat for a piece of cheese (Can you really blame her?!) . But there is a tenderness about her when she loves on her babies.  You can guarantee that I am going to nurture that and cultivate it.
 Naked baby syndrome.


The hardcore feminists would probably be on fire while reading this post, assured that I’m raising my baby girl up to be “just a mother” and pushing stereotypical gender assignments on her. That’s ok. I know better. Without getting into a big long post, I think feminists of the past and today missed the boat quite a bit when establishing themselves and their ideals. I am passionate about womanhood, and all things related to women. It’s why I’m opinionated about pregnancy and birth, breastfeeding and Natural Family Planning. Because they pertain to women--to educating and empowering women in experiences and roles that are solely female.

There is nothing more feminine, more celebratory of womanhood than finding yourself in the role of mother. It is exclusively female. Carrying a baby, feeling them move, feeding a child from your own body, nurturing them in a way that only a mother can-- it is something that only women can do. Being a mother-- it is for women. That’s why we hear talk and research about maternal instincts-- they are real-- no matter how we entered into motherhood, whether scared or assured, through adoption or biological birth.  And I hope Abi Kate learns that in our home. That God’s design of women is beautiful and a high calling. I hope she recognizes that choosing motherhood doesn’t make you less of a woman but instead it celebrates sacrifice, God-given instincts, and helps us understand Divine love. I hope she sees in me that motherhood is a gift and a treasure worth searching for.

 Babywearing with morning hair..wowza

So there will be babies in this house. We will play with them, and hold them, rock them and feed them. Be they naked or clothed. We will push strollers and wear them in slings (Please, I just can’t die to my babywearing-self…) We will play “momma” and love up some baby dolls. We will do all these things with bows in our hair and possibly dirt under our nails. We will enjoy all things feminine, stereotypical or not, because I’ve watched my little girl in these days… and I can already see what a sweet little momma she will one day be. 
Safety first--Visible and chewable kissable