Times are a Changin'....

Well, the time is upon me. We are now into the final month’s countdown until our first baby is one year old. It’s less than 30 days away at this point. For me, there has been so much rejoicing over this. I am so grateful that Abi Kate has grown in health and knowledge over the course of the last year. I rejoice for the time that we’ve been given with her. I have truly loved every stage with her in this first year from late night nursing sessions as a newborn, hearing her giggle for the first time, watching her learn to sit up and crawl, and now hearing her sweet little voice as she speaks. I am thankful because I know there are many mothers whose hearts are shaken in this first year when babies aren’t growing or aren’t healthy. That said, it is still such a bittersweet time. It’s hard to let go of the moments of infancy, to know that those moments of helpless tenderness with her are now a thing of the past. We might get to repeat them again with another baby and Lord willing we will, but we will never repeat them with her.  I definitely don’t think there’s anything magical about turning one that means she has suddenly become completely independent and will no longer exhibit attributes of a baby. She will still be a baby at age one. But I know that time is pushing her into being a toddler, and even though I’ve begged, time hasn’t shown me much mercy so far and I’m pretty sure it’s not going to show me any more in the coming year.  We’ve started catching signs of her waning infancy….

We had a fantastic first Christmas as a family of three. We kept our old traditions and added several new ones, we got to experience being Santa instead of waiting for Santa, and over the holiday season I watched my baby grow a little bit older. It started a few weeks before Christmas. Abi Kate began babbling a lot (and quite loudly I might add) around 3 or 4 months old. This is not surprising. For one she’s a girl. Two, she’s my girl. And three, if you’ve ever been around my family you know that volume is necessary if you want to be heard! I try not to be one of those parents who reads into everything and marks something that was likely accidental as an accomplishment. I know that’s sort of silly, but I want to let her develop in her own time (and she’s proven so far that she will do things when she is ready).  Because of this, as her vocabulary has started to develop I don’t consider her to have spoken or learned a new word until it’s consistent and used correctly or in context. I guess that sounds dumb, but babies babble sounds that are familiar to them repetitively. It’s developmentally appropriate and how they learn to vocalize, form words, and experiment with sounds. (I don’t think I’m ever going to shake the child development stuff….) She started babbling “mama” around 5 or 6 months. And as much as I wanted her to, I knew she wasn’t purposefully calling me. She’d say it at anything, at random times, and it wasn’t directed towards me. That said, it did sound really sweet and totally made me all mushy when I heard it. BUT… one night when she was 7 months, I got home extremely late from Alpha. It had been several hours since I'd seen her, I wasn't there for bedtime, etc. It was right before her first tooth had broken through and she woke up crying around 3 am. I went in to check on her and as soon as I leaned over her crib, she stopped crying, started kicking her feet and smiled and very clearly said, “Mama!” (As if I wasn’t completely worthless for her already-- I definitely was after this!) Right now, she says Mama, Dada, and No or no no a lot. She says “no” more. I’m not sure if I should be offended or concerned. ;) At the beginning of December, she started saying what I thought was Layla. It came out like a mixture between La la and leh lah.  I mean, she does hear her name said reeeeaaallllyyy regularly in our home. Normally in the context of, “Layla! No! Layla, stop! Layla quit it!” But again, I thought, “No. She’s not saying her name.” Abi Kate must’ve perceived that I wasn’t convinced, but she started crawling over to Layla, patting her, and saying La la while she was petting her, when she saw her, and at no other times. Ok. You win, Abi Kate.

This is Layla. Don't let her fool you. She's a big ball of chaos. But we just can't seem to stop loving her.

   Around this time she started trying to say Nora, too. Every morning when I get her up and she sees Nora in the living room, she waves and says, “Hey, Nora.” I can’t even start to spell how she says Nora phonetically, but it is cute. 

This is Nora. She's as sweet as she looks. :)

Also, she says hey instead of hi. Thank you, southern living. :) It’s funny to me that her first words are the names of her dogs. I guess this is what happens when you’re an only child. I told Tommy all the time when she was first born that I couldn’t wait to hear what her little voice sounded like. Now I’ve heard it and her cute pronunciations and it is just precious. Even the “no”s are precious! 

On Christmas Day we were at my parents’ house. Their dog Honey is Layla’s sister. Abi Kate has heard Honey’s name a lot, too (in the same context as Layla’s). I think there’s a pattern developing here in regards to our dogs’ behaviors…. We walked her over to go see Honey (because she just completely adores all dogs despite their behavior!). We were saying Honey’s name, and lo and behold a little voice, said, “Ha-nay”. Clearly, my child is from the South. She said this for the rest of the day every time she saw their dog, and after hearing it so many times, Tommy said it sounded like the Forest Gump version of “honey”. Fantastic. 

This is Honey. In prison. 

 Since then, she’s started trying to mimic words that we say. That is when she’s in a talkative mood. She’s no puppet- ask her to say or do something, and she becomes totally mute. I think she might’ve received my stubborn gene… Oops!  Either way, her newest vocal developments have proven to me that babyhood is beginning to leave.

We got her a walk and ride toy for Christmas. She’s been cruising all over the furniture, from couch to chair to ottoman to wall, etc for a month or two now. She is not ready to let go yet and will not stand by herself. I still don’t think she will walk until after her first birthday, but she did set off walking just fine by herself with her little dinosaur toy. I almost cried when she took those little steps on Christmas morning. I know it won’t be long until she suddenly decides to let go of the couch and take that first step on her own. (It’s wrong to push them down so they’ll stay in baby mode longer, right?!)

After the Christmas tornado hit our house, I went through all her old toys and packed away all the very baby ones that she doesn’t play with anymore to make room for her new toys. And then yesterday, we officially moved her to her big girl car seat. She looked more grown up sitting in that great big seat, and she loved it. I tried not to cry in the front seat.

It is amazing and sad all at the same time, watching her grow and talk and turn into the little person that God designed. I am so grateful that this is the child that God gave to us to raise. That He didn’t give her to someone else. I have always felt privileged to be a mother, blessed that God gave me that role. But I think being the mother to Abi Kate specifically has just sweetened the deal. I’ve found myself thinking on that more and more as we approach the anniversary of her birth. I know time will pass far more quickly than I’d like. So for the time being, I simply want to savor these days and moments with her. Don’t be surprised if you stop by and my laundry is piled up, my kitchen is a mess, and there’s toys all over the floor…. I’ve just been busy watching this baby grow.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things...

Last night, Tommy & I were able to get away for a few hours, have a fun date night, and finish up a few final Christmas gifts (at my least favorite store on earth no less). Have I mentioned that I’m just head over heels for this man? Because I am. We were walking through the aisles talking about how Abi Kate is going to be a year old in 6 weeks.  One. One year! I started getting all emotional and crying (right in the middle of my least favorite store on earth), so that just had to stop and we had to change topics. Either way, it got me thinking about some of my favorite baby stuff that we’ve loved this year. I’m always interested to see what people suggest/don’t suggest to you when you are registering for a baby. This isn’t really stuff you’ll register for. It’s just randomness. I figure everyone has an idea about whether you need a wipe warmer or not, what brand of diaper is best (Buy cloth! It’s so much more fun!), and whether or not you’ll actually use a Diaper Genie.  Also, isn’t the “Favorite Things” song a Christmas song? Or is that just in my brain? Here goes…

1.       Earth Mama Angel Baby Bottom Balm- This stuff is absolutely fantastic on diaper rash. It is so healing and extremely versatile. I’ve used it on bug bites, scratches, strange bumps, burns, etc. and it has very quickly healed every single one of those things. Bonus- it is completely non-toxic, scores a 0 on the Skin Deep Database, and I like how it smells too. It isn’t thick or cakey and doesn’t stick all over your fingers. It glides on very easy and a little dab goes a long way. It took us about 9 months to go through an entire 2 oz pot, and we use it often. It just doesn’t take much to work effectively.  To me, it definitely paid back its 10 dollar price tag.

2.       Kissaluvs Diaper Lotion Potion Spray- This was recommended to me when I was looking into cloth wipes while pregnant. (Which I was horribly afraid to use and wound up being extremely easy to use after putting it off) One, I love how this stuff smells. Two, it’s in a spray bottle which is fantastic. I keep one in her diaper bag and we use it as a wipes solution while we’re on the go, as a cleaner, and even as a spritz for any little red bumps she might have after a diaper change. Three, it’s no secret that I’ve always been a germaphobe, and this stuff is great for that. Its main content is witch hazel which can be used as a natural disinfectant, so after leaving a store where she’s touched the buggy or a table or anything else I deem germy, I squirt a bit on her hands. Because it’s natural products, I’m not worried about her putting her hands in her mouth afterwards. It also has tea tree oil in it which acts as a natural antibacterial & lavender which is a natural astringent. Because it’s in a spray form, it goes a long way. I even squirt it on the table at restaurants where she’ll be touching, on the edges of a high chairs, etc. to give it a quick clean before she touches it. I wasn’t  a fan of dragging around the shopping seat/high chair cover everywhere we go. For us, this was much easier.

3.       Baltic Amber Teething Necklace-- This little thing is a lifesaver. I would buy it over and over again. I’d read about these but was pretty skeptical about them. It seemed every review I found was split-- it either worked great for someone’s kid or it didn’t help at all. I guess everything can be that way, so I don’t know why I was so hesitant. Around the time that the teething monster arrived for Abi Kate, I’d made a new friend (who has quickly become very dear to me). I asked her if she owned one and if she felt like it worked for her child. She gave it a thumbs up, and I’m more apt to go with a review of someone I know versus the reviews I’ve read on the internet. I remembered reading an email from a local doula that she also made these. So, I went on her website & ordered one, and I am SO glad. I know some babies aren’t bothered by teething in the slightest, but our baby girl is very sensitive to the whole process. We put this necklace on, I was still pretty skeptical, but about 20 minutes in I saw a significant difference in her pain level. She’d been wearing her necklace pretty constantly (except at night because I’ve never been brave enough to wrap it around her ankle), and when her first tooth broke through, I was completely stunned. She’d been so happy in the days leading up to it, not acting like she was teething at all. Unfortunately, my little Houdini has figured out how to unlatch her necklace now. If I put her in a turtle neck, she can’t get it (so don’t judge if you see my child wearing the same 3 shirts over and over again because we only have that many turtlenecks. This thing is worth it!). Her top tooth is like seconds away from breaking through right now. When she wears the necklace, I notice a huge difference from when she’s not. Definitely worth the purchase for us.

4.       Snuza Halo -- This is the item where I know people are going to think I’m out of my mind, have first time mom syndrome, etc. That’s ok. You just think whatever you want, but I love this little slice of technology. I was talking with a sweet momma in our small group the other night and she was talking about how all moms have that “one thing” they’re just fearful of. It can be irrational, rational, whatever. She said hers was choking. Mine is breathing, or rather not breathing. Basically, I am completely terrified of SIDS. Always have been. I started babysitting at age 12 (Oh my word. WHO on EARTH would let me keep their 3 children at age 12?!), and even then I used to go in and check all the kids constantly while they slept to make sure they were still breathing ok. Choking doesn’t worry me much, stairs don’t worry me, animals, random things put in the mouth, leaving her with others, none of those things make me nervous. But SIDS just makes me feel paralyzed. I’ve wrestled with it, prayed about it, and know that the Lord will have His way, but this little monitor has brought much peace for me. Essentially, it has a very sensitive detector that monitors breathing movements and sounds an alarm if movements stop. I have a precious friend who recommended some type of monitoring system to me when I was pregnant. Without divulging all their personal info, her sweet baby went to be with the Lord at just a few days old, but because of a monitoring system, she was with her child in those last moments. He entered the world with her by his side and left it the same way, and that has always touched my heart. I’m grateful she recommended the idea to me because this little device made the transition from her sleeping in our room to the crib in her room so much easier. We’ve only had about 2 or 3 false alarms, it is trickier to put on with a cloth diaper because we stuff her diapers pretty heavily at night with inserts, but even with both of those things combined it was worth every cent. I can’t imagine not using it with future children as well. There’s a lot of different types of monitors available, but this one just made more sense to me. If you’re paranoid like me, this is a great purchase.

5.       Hidden in My Heart Scripture Lullabies & PraiseBaby-- We L.O.V.E. music in our house, especially at sleeping times. We love even more music that is based on scripture and biblical truths. I adore both of these. I started with several PraiseBaby albums that were given to me by a really great friend and my mom. I mean, we killed those albums because we loved them so much. I feel like that’s all we listened to at all times of the day! But I really liked the music. SOOO much better than most “kid music”. Highly recommend you purchasing every single one of them! My favorite albums are Praises and Smiles, My Father’s World, and Sleepytime Lullabies. Then, my friend Rebecca introduced me to Hidden in My Heart several months ago and I just fell in love. This is absolutely as much for adults as for children. If you are having a crazy stressful day, listen to one song on here and I promise you will start feeling more at peace. I love that they are essentially just scripture put to beautiful music. Currently there are only 2 volumes, one that came out this past Thursday (which I immediately purchased!), and they can only be purchased on their website at the moment. Both volumes are equally fabulous. You can even download a free lullabye to get a feel of the music before buying a full album. Trust me, you’ll want the albums after listening.  Both PraiseBaby and Hidden in My Heart have helped Abi Kate sleep very well. I really do notice that she sleeps better with them on, maybe it’s totally psychological, but either way you won’t be sad if you buy them!

6.       A babywearing device-- It’s no secret that I love babywearing. LOVE it. I started wearing Abi Kate at 1 week old and I have absolutely no intentions of stopping anytime soon. I adore having her so close to my heart, and she loves it too. I believe in the benefits of wearing your baby when they are tiny and small, and I believe in the convenience of it when they are older. Car seats are heavy, folks. If you have a chunky baby, they’re heavier. I stopped carrying Abi Kate in her car seat at about 7 weeks old. Her car seat has not been removed from our car since then. I wear her everywhere. I wore her when she was tiny at the store because it cuts down on the number of random strangers touching her-- I mean they have to get REALLY close to you and your chest to touch. That stops most people, though there are the occasional weirdos… Now that it is disgusting flu season and I don’t want her touching a buggy, I wear her while I shop. My hands are free, it’s easy. I wear her on long outings because it’s easier than maneuvering a stroller. I kept my wrap in the car for the longest time and now I keep my mei tai in there. I occasionally still use the wrap around the house. There are SO many brands of these, sold in stores, sold online only, so many work-at-home-moms who make all types of these. You can find really good and really bad reviews for almost every single brand. To me, you basically just need to use common sense when using one no matter the brand-- check the seams each time, make sure nothing’s loose, and if it doesn’t feel safe then it probably isn’t. In my opinion, you’re going to know if there’s a problem. The actual act of babywearing is NOT a science. It’s really easy. I know a lot of “professional babywearers” disagree with that, but I just don’t think it’s all that serious. Common sense prevails here or rather your maternal intuition. If you’re crafty, make your own and a save a bunch of money! I loved a stretchy wrap for Abi Kate when she was little and for quick trips in and out of the car. Now that she’s heavier, a non-stretchy mei tai has been better. Ring slings, peanut shells, stretchy wraps, woven wraps, mei tais, soft structured carriers--you're likely to get a different answer about which kind is best depending on who you ask. Honestly, the best type for you depends on your body shape, your baby’s weight, and what you’re using it for. Some are sized, some are one size fits all. Either way, one of our best purchases EVER.

7.       Breastmilk. Yes, I realize that this is not a purchased commodity, nor is it accessible for everyone. I know not everyone breastfeeds. However, outside of it’s obvious nutritional benefits, this stuff is magical. Seriously. I know you’ve heard it called “liquid gold” and it’s so true. It’s so great for lots of things outside of nutrition. It has crazy healing powers. There’s not a diaper rash that it hasn’t healed, a rash/bumps that it hasn’t cleared up. You can use it in place of saline for suctioning a snotty nose. I made breastmilk ice cubes and put them in a mesh feeder for Abi Kate when she’s teething. It helps with inflammation and helps sore gums. Long story short, if you’ve got it- use it! It’s versatile as well! And it’s free!

Seven-- a rather random number to end on for a rather random list of items. Seems appropriate to me. :) 

Christmas Memories

Much like the other 95% of our country’s population, we’ve been getting ready for Christmas in our home. (No, that’s not a real stat. It’s made up. Fight the urge to correct my politically incorrect assumptions). When Tommy and I first got married, it was important to us to go ahead and establish a few Christmas traditions for our new little family, nothing particularly unique just special to us. This year, Abi Kate has been a partaker of a few of these traditions and some new ones, and can I just say that Christmas is soooo much cooler with a kid?! I’m definitely not hating on a childfree Christmas. I lived and loved those Christmases for a long time and never felt like I was missing out on anything. This is just a great new season of our life and so far it’s pretty much surpassed every expectation I had of it. This will be our 6^th Christmas together and one of the things that Tommy & I have always done is to go cut down our Christmas tree at the same tree farm. So, I strapped on Abi Kate (see, the beauty of babywearing once again!) and we headed out with our camera and saw and measuring pole in tow. It was fun talking about how things had come full circle from it just being the two of us to bringing her out to experience it as well. I just can’t get rid of the teacher in me, so I’ve stopped trying-- and because of that, I LOVED giving her this learning experience. Touching trees that felt very different from any she’s felt before. The new sight of rows and rows of green trees- far more than she’s ever seen in one setting. A new smell for her to experience (nothing smells better to me than a fresh pine tree!). Even just the experience of watching a tree be cut down, carried back, trimmed, and tied to a car. I know she’s too young to understand, but I do know her little senses were in overdrive out there!

 Cutting down the chosen one.... He put his shoes back on, but he always takes them off and puts them under his knees so his pants won't get muddy. He decided to brave it this year ;)

 I know holding the saw beside the tree on the ground makes it look like I did something-- what a nice thought. Mostly, I just carried a baby.

 Of course after cutting down the tree, the real important discussions began like, “How do we keep her out of it?!” and “Oh man, she’s going to be eating pine needles!!” We’ve never been particularly successful at keeping our dogs out of the tree, but somehow Abi Kate has proved much more manageable than Layla (not really a surprise.) In fact, the other day I couldn’t find Layla and she was behind the tree. Genius.  

Another tradition we’ve always had is to turn on Christmas music, have coffee, and decorate the tree together. Abi Kate participated this year. She was mostly intrigued by the lights and any ornament that would fall to the ground. She couldn’t quite burn the midnight oil to finish decorating with us (ok it was really like the 9 o’clock oil) so she headed to bed and we finished up together as usual. Sweet, sweet memories for us.  Last year when we decorated we talked about how we’d have a baby girl with us this year. I remember my belly bumping into the tree while doing the lights. And this year while we decorated, we talked about that same sweet, anticipated baby’s reactions to Christmas so far.

 Hanging the lights... Tommy got to play with Abi Kate. I think he got the better end of that deal.

 Look what I found!

 Family time :) I had to change shirts because the tree was slicing up my tender arms ;) (Also, don't judge. I know my makeup looks horrendous here!)

Hanging up her ornament.

We opted to forgo the icicles this year. Layla is famous for walking around the Christmas tree very slowly, like abnormally slow. I think the smell does something to her. Anyway, she walks around it knocking off ornaments as she goes and when she comes back out she tends to have a nice little pile of icicles on her back (which she’s totally unaware of). She then proceeds  to drop those all over the house wherever she goes. We decided there was no need for our baby to get those wrapped up in her intestines.  We also put the tree in the corner of our living room where our ottoman can be angled just perfectly to block any babies (or dogs!) from getting into the tree.  And as a side note, if you have not met Layla, you are seriously missing out. Can’t you tell?!

 I have missed my classroom this Christmas season. Kindergarten at Christmastime is just utter chaos, but it is also extremely fun. To replace that, I pulled out all my Christmas books and Abi and I have spent lots of time reading the past several days. I follow a very age-appropriate curriculum (and I do use that term very loosely) with her, just little activities that last about 15-20 minutes that are geared towards developing the whole child. Because I’ve been privileged to be home with her, it’s very important to me that my days with her are intentional. I’m so easily distracted by other things-- laundry that needs to be done, errands, commitments to others, and technology is my big timewaster/addiction. (In fact, I ‘m writing this while she’s napping. I should be switching over the laundry…..) The TV rarely makes it on during the day, but it’s far too easy for me to sit down and get sucked in to the laptop. Having purposeful activities keeps me focused on what my goal is while I’m home-- her. Not a clean floor, or a perfectly dusted house, or my favorite blogs. However,  said activities weren't planned with the knowledge that she would be 10 months old at Christmastime, so they’re not thematic, which is just a no-no for my Kindergarten loving heart. So, I decided to adapt a few things. One of the things I used to do for my little friends was make gingerbread playdough. They always loved it and I loved watching them play with it. Even though she’s too young to really play with playdough, letting her  feel new textures, smells, and participate in the making of it were good enough for me. So….

 Smelling the nutmeg

 Helping momma stir

 I let her try to stir it alone.... Sometimes you just stir with the wrong end of the whisk, ya know?! ;)

Deciding what she thinks about her playdough

 Yes, I am aware that this looks like a pile of poop. She was getting excited about it though!

 And into the mouth.... the face she made after this was pretty great. 

 Since she eats when she's in her high chair, we decided to move her to the table so she wouldn't be confused about not eating the playdough.

 She was really more excited about sliding all over the table.

 Washing down that nasty playdough taste. Now, this picture just kills me. Abi Kate is breastfed & until she was 3 months old (almost 4 months) she refused every single bottle that we tried-- and we tried a lot of different types. I assumed that having her drink from a sippy cup would be the same experience. Not so much. Someone had given us one or two of these at a shower. A few weeks ago I pulled one of these out of the pantry just to let her try it. She sucked the water right down. Seriously?! The lid on this thing isn't even slightly like a nipple. Clearly, I should've reached for this at 2 months old when she was busy singing "Ain't Nothin' Like the Real Thing."

Once she figured out it wasn't a snack, she really liked the squishy texture.        

And because she definitely couldn’t play with this huge amount of playdough, we decided to share with a few of her little friends that she just loves and sees regularly (who are a bit older and can actually enjoy it!).

We sealed up the rest of the playdough in these and took them to her sweet friends.

 We always want the purpose of Christmas to shine through in our home and in our actions for Abi Kate. So, even though she’s young, we read the Christmas story to her from Luke and we talked about giving to others  because God gave Jesus to us(ok, I talked and she kept eating her peas & broccoli. Nonetheless….). I really do know that she can’t cognitively grasp these concepts, but it is important to us for her to always see those things and have her be a participant in ways that are applicable to her, like with her toys (or in this case playdough), even when she can’t quite understand. And even though the words from Luke 2 don’t mean much to her right now, we hope that by hearing the beginnings of the gospel story it will be hidden in her heart even from the earliest age. If all else fails, talking with her is really great for speech and language development. :)

I’m excited to share this Christmas with her, to see her open presents and taste new foods. I’m excited to watch her continue to grow in the coming year. And mostly, I anticipate the day that we will look upon Christmas with a shared view-- as the day that holds great victory for us as believers, where we celebrate the baby in the manger who will become the man on the cross, the conqueror of death, the Redemption for mankind.  

Bellies, Babies, and Christmas

And Mary said,

  "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me; and holy is his name. And his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation.He has shown strength with his arm;he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;he has brought down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of humble estate; he has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy, as he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his offspring forever."

      ~ Luke 1:46-55

I love this scripture. I love its context and what it signifies. As we enter the Christmas season, I can’t help but be drawn into this verse. It sends my thoughts wandering, contemplating Mary’s experience with pregnancy and childbirth. Christmas does this to me now. At this time last year, I was preparing for Abi Kate’s arrival. As I began spiritually preparing myself for childbirth, I kept coming back to this verse. This verse is, in fact, one of the reasons Tommy & I decided to trust birth, to trust the perfect design of an omnipotent and sovereign Creator.  As we considered what our culture says about birth and compared that to the way that our Holy God chose to bring His own perfect, unblemished Son into the world, we found ourselves at a crossroads because we saw two very different pictures. This image of Christ’s birth was so purposeful and compelling that I even had Christmas worship songs on my labor playlist.

If you know me, you know it doesn’t take much to get me talking about birth. Mention just about anything pregnancy or birth related and we can sit down and chat for a reaaaaallllyyy long time, so it’s really not a stretch that this verse would bring my thoughts back around to this. If you knew me a few years ago, you’d know that I would never have considered a natural delivery. Much less would I have thought of it as a sanctifying process. If you’d told me I’d be joining together with a group of precious women to inform others about Christ’s great plan for birth, I probably would’ve laughed in your face. In fact, I used to say, “I want to enjoy giving birth to my child and remember it. Why would I ever want to have that awful experience?!” I hate that I looked at birth like that, and I really hate that I spoke those words because they were wrapped up in so much ignorance.  They were ideas engrained by a culture that perceives birth as a sickness, as a risk, as something that we need to keep under control and manage by our own standards (standards that we humans came up with).  Ideas founded in fear-- fear of pain and fear that results because we have willingly adopted the idea that we have to handle the pain alone, that there’s no help or relief from that pain outside of a human created narcotic. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m NOT a pain medicine Nazi. I know the pain of labor, I have felt it and lived it, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I have some anxiety about experiencing that pain again (though I know that I will choose to do it the same way). But what I normally hear when discussing birth is, “I could never do that. I don’t like pain.” But the truth is-- who likes pain!? I’m no masochist. A sinus headache can just about do me in. I’ve also heard the idea that natural birth is only for feminists or is a form of “feminist machoism” which is just not true and is completely insulting. I’m not a feminist and I’m definitely not macho. I dropped a bottle of vitamins on my foot this morning and almost cried because it hurt so bad.  But labor pain is different because it is purposeful. And while I’d be the first to toss you a bottle of Advil for a headache, I just can’t apply that to birth. We live in a world that automatically assumes that you have to have pain medicine to have a memorable, positive birth--that you are foolish to attempt to do it without. But I am completely convinced that this picture of birth can look so different in the life of a believer. I know this because I know that the pain of birth is manageable when you look to the Creator of birth.

One of my friends labored for 26 hours and gave birth after hours of pushing-- no pain meds. That’s right, friends-- 26. She did it again two years later saying, “Thank you, Jesus” through contractions. Another friend labored and delivered with no intervention after 3 hours starting with a water break (Don’t be confused here…. If you know much about birth, you know that short labors don’t mean less pain. There’s no gradual shift over time of increasing pain-- it just starts off extremely intense and moves on from there, especially when there’s no water bag as a cushion). And still another friend labored and delivered without pain medication in an extra room in the hospital because there was no room in the regular rooms (Um, stable in Bethlehem anyone?!). Each one of them waited those long days for labor to begin on its own, when pregnancy was hard and trying. And they didn’t do this because they’re feminists or because they like pain. They didn’t wait for labor because they’re laid back and schedule-less girls. It’s not because they are so strong and impressive. And while I am certainly impressed and terribly proud of them, I know that they managed that pain, waited on Christ’s timing, because they let their fear be replaced with faith. Even though I cried from sheer excitement when I got the messages that their babies were here and they’d done it without intervention, I know they didn’t do it in their own strength. They looked to the cross, to the Creator of their child and of the process of birth, and they pulled their strength from the Ultimate Source. They didn’t create peace in their own power, they let the author of peace fill their hearts and draw them close to His. And oh, how He made good on His promises! He sustained them in childbirth (1 Tim. 2:15), He did not leave them or forsake them while they were in need (Deut 31:8), and in the midst of pain and uncertainty about how long it would take and how they could keep going, He quieted them with His love (Zeph. 3:17). This is the beautiful picture of childbirth. It is not a screaming chaos where everyone’s life hangs in the balance. This is the sanctifying process that He will bring us to if we will let Him-- if we will let The Creator call our child from the womb at the time that He has prepared for them instead of forcing them to come in our time, if we will trust that His grace is enough to surpass any amount of worldly pain, if we believe that our light and momentary troubles are nothing compared to the surpassing knowledge of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord.

There’s plenty of reasons people choose to deliver naturally. There were a lot of reasons for me, personally. I could tell you about the risks of interventions, but honestly, you don’t have to look far at all to find those on your own.(And as a tangent, if you have a care provider who tells you there are no risks from induction, pain medicine, episiotomy, IV fluids, etc. they have just lied to your face. Do not walk out of their office. Run. That or they are not practicing evidence-based medicine and they haven’t read a medical journal published in the last 10 years. Which is another really good reason to run.) I’m not saying one reason is better than the other, but I want to look at it from a Christ-centered perspective, not from the other reasons. I’m also not suggesting that you can’t have a Christ-centered birth unless you have an intervention-free delivery. That’s not true either. And yes, I am completely, 100% aware that there are true medical reasons for intervention, and I do believe that some of them are completely warranted and necessary. I’m a believer in birth choices, not just one way. I may one day arrive at a place where the benefits of an intervention outweigh the risks. It’s a definite possibility. And I know that Christ’s power in birth is not lessened because of an intervention by any means. But what does break my heart is the way that birth is viewed by so many women, what they’re missing out on because of fear or a culturally centered perspective. That so many women look back and speak of their experiences as awful, terrifying, chaotic, and the worst thing they’ve ever gone through.

Long before the invention of pitocin, epidurals, spinal blocks, and Cytotec; before the weekly doctor appointments and cervical checks (which by the way are not good indicators of when labor will begin), before we took what we as humans studied and learned and applied those ideas to birth, there was a design by a far more intelligent Creator whose “ways are not our ways” who thoughts “are much higher than our own” (Is. 55:8-9) And in this time, He brought forth His own perfect child in the way that HE deemed best. Mary didn’t need medicine to bring Jesus at 40 weeks gestation. Jesus came when it was the right time, called out by the Father. She labored in pain, no doubt, and her child was born. There was nothing extra strong about Mary, just like there’s nothing extra strong about women in our generation who long for a natural birth. She was a sinner in need of a Savior in the same way that we are. And the power of the Heavenly Father was magnified in her, in a stable, not surrounded by doctors and nurses but by her husband. I have no doubt that Mary experienced many spiritual truths and growth through that birth-- that she saw the faithful hand of God once again in her life, that she saw His perfect plan that was hard but purposeful, that she found humility in her position as the creation and not the Creator.  

When I looked at the Magnificat, I couldn’t escape what it pictured- Mary’s willingness to accept God’s plan in pregnancy & birth and declare Him holy in hardship. It was so powerful to me that it was one of the scriptures I wrote on an index card that Tommy read to me in labor. And after birth, it is even more applicable to me.  God truly looked upon the “humble estate of His servant” (v.48) on January 27. He did “great things for me” because of His “holy name” (v. 49) not because of my strength.  He scattered the pride found “in the thoughts of my heart” (v. 51). The first hour of labor, I let fear grip me. My water broke, I felt that first contraction, and thought, “What have you gotten yourself into?!” I made it through each contraction in my own prideful strength, and it was hard. So hard. But around 4:30 am, when I let go and let the pain take me where it needed to, when I embraced the idea of surrender and found myself in a place of complete humility, aware that I was in no way capable of completing the task ahead in and of myself, when I whispered that prayer, “I can’t. Please help me,” He was there in an instant. There was unspeakable peace and intimacy with my Savior. And though the pain intensified quickly and greatly, the ability to cope was stronger than the pain. And when Satan tried to pull me down in that last hour and I felt like I might not be able to endure, I was surrounded by two people who reminded me that Christ’s power rested on me and dwelled within me, and because of His great love and faithfulness, yes I could and would do it. And His mercy that was for each generation (v .50), reached all the way down through time, even to me.  He beautifully displayed the “strength of His arm” (v. 51) in Abi Kate’s birth. I am reminded of that regularly. He didn’t just do this for me or the women I know or for the mother of Jesus, He has done this for countless women before me and after me. When I’ve shared her birth story, I’ve shared and love Spurgeon’s statement, “We are welcome guests at the table of promises.” And oh, how we are- even in birth we are welcome to take part and feast on the kindness that He has wrapped us in. It is truly magnificent. After Abi Kate’s birth my doula/childbirth educator/friend told me, “You chose faith instead of fear and Jesus instead of drugs. And you were blessed by the choices.”  These blessings, they are free for the taking for us as believers.

To me, birth is like any other aspect of life for the believer-- it is faith in action. We make faith applicable in dealing with work, school, people, sickness, big things, small things-- why not this, too? And just like many aspects of Christianity, our culture looks at that, shudders and says, “Why?! That’s ridiculous.” The truth is, you can have a natural delivery and not experience the great blessings and lessons that Christ longs to teach. You can go through it completely unchanged and just have “made it through” and be proud in yourself that you were “strong enough.” But that’s not what I’m talking about. Likewise, you could have a birth that ends in a C-section and still be taught and have walked the path of sanctification, allowing God to have His rightful place in your pregnancy and in your child’s arrival. The exact circumstances & conditions aren’t specific. The attitude of the heart, embracing God’s strength and plan, letting go of what’s culturally “right, safe, and acceptable,” the surrender-- that’s what is vital.   

   

I was talking with a fellow birth-obsessed friend (Sorry, sister! You know I love you!) recently about the goodness God shows us. We talked about how amazing it is that the pain that was brought about as a punishment for sin so long ago in the Garden could be used to create such precious moments of strengthened faith and communion with the Savior now. Only God would do that. Only He would give that to us, turning a punishment for something we deserved into something beautiful.  It is the ideal picture of the character of God, of His mercy for His children, of freedom from the burden of sin. My prayer is that as we enter the Christmas season, we would remember the beauty of a holy God’s design. I pray that we would allow that design to completely rewrite what we have previously thought about birth, that we would have faith in Him and His capable plans; and that we, as believers, would be changed in more ways than one by the high privilege and calling of birth and parenthood.